Archive for Pictures

Fallen

Your divine hand stretches over the sky,
Light beaming from your fingertips.
Rain pouring down upon your people,
We are tossed and turned by the waves.
Standing with mouths aghast,
At the splendor of your power.
Falling facedown in awe,
Who is this God?
Another world away,
You stand weeping before us,
Your tears liter our streets,
“You are fallen” “You are fallen”
You cry as the skies open.
Weeping for the nations,
Upon them you proclaim your wrath,
It wasn’t supposed to be like this,
“You are fallen, You are fallen”
A mother holds her child,
Kissing her goodbye.
“Why God Why?” She asks.
“You are fallen You are fallen.”
You hold her while she cries.
I stand stairing out the window,
Conversations in my mind,
Reminders of this fallen side,
Time passing me bye.
Why must it hurt so much?
“You are fallen, You are fallen.”
My fallen nature makes you clearer today,
I’m sorry for how I hurt you so.
I am fallen. I am fallen,
Please, make me whole.

 

Friendship

 

 

 

A friends presence.

It’s such an amazing thing. Sometimes, people don’t even have to say a thing. I just want them to be with me. A reassuring look, a comforting hand, a laugh when I don’t want to laugh, a smile, just being beside someone. I love just being with the people. I love hitting Starbucks, or the park, or the best grocery store/deli/bakery/everything in one store. I love going on walks. I love being outside. I love people watching with someone by my side. I love pickles and random, really random spir the moment occations.

I hate distance. I hate being apart from the ones I love. I hate not being able to see them, or feel them next to me, but, no matter what, with some friends, it’s just so different. It’s like you never are apart. You’re always thinking of them. Always holding them in your heart. You share a connection. A strong bond that cannot be crippled by distance, or disagreements.

Then it hits me. Do I want God this much? Do I hate being apart from him? Do I crave his affections? Am I jealous of Him, and He of me? Do I desire to be in His presence at all times? Do I ache when I don’t “see” Him?

Do you?

Sleepless Nights

I think it looks like an elephant

Another sleepless night
I’m turning in my bed
Long before the red sun rises

In these early hours
I’m falling again
Into the river of my worries

When the river runs away
I find a shelter in your name

Jesus, only light on the shore
Only hope in the storm
Jesus, let me fly to your side
There I would hide, Jesus

Hear my anxious prayer
The beating of my heart
The pulse and the measure of my unbelief
Speak your words to me
Before I come apart
Help me believe in what I cannot see
Before the river runs away
I will call upon your name

Jesus, only light on the shore
Only hope in the storm
Jesus, let me fly to your side
There I would hide, Jesus

~Sleepless Nights, Fernando Ortega~

stun me

(Washington DC. March 30, 2008) 

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When was the last time His glory and presence blew you away? When was the last time you stood before Him in amazement and wonder of His beauty and grace? When was the last time you allowed Him to sweep you onto new adventures? When was the last time His humility

I think a lot of times we get used to living life, and we forget the blessing of the brokenness, and the joy of LIVING. We get desensitized to His presence, and to His glory. It becomes “just another day in the life of a Christian.”

I want to be amazed. I want to be romanced. I want to be blown away by the God who created the world.

Why does six flags give me more of a sense of thrill then serving Jesus? Why does the Washington monument amaze me more then the mountains?

Why must I take for granted the flowers, the trees, and the beautifulness of life?

Why must I wait until I go to a retreat or a conference to ‘enounter God’ in breathtaking ways?

I pray a risky prayer today. I pray to encounter my God. I pray to be romanced (yes, Melisa, romanced) by Him, I pray He becomes my EVERYTHING.

I want to have a better understanding of my Father in heaven. I want to weep for what He weeps for. I want to bleed for the things that he bleeds for. I want to break into 1,000 pieces for the things that crush his heart. I want to love Him more.

The thing is, in order for this to happen I must die. Everything I want, everything I desire. Everything I THINK I need. Why? Because I must be empty before He can fill my heart with amazement.

 Are we willing to risk our safety, our well-being, our COMFORT, our security to a “dangerous” God? Are we willing to let Him blow us away?

He who has been forgiven of much loves much!

 (This picture was taken in Washington DC on March 30, 2008)

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 He who has been forgiven of much, loves much.

I recently saw this take place at school. I was talking with a new friend and brother in Christ when he began to reveal to me a portion of his past. He confessed to me, and a group of other fellow believers that he had been in jail for the past 18 months, and was on parole. He confessed some serious struggles, and pains in his coming out of  jail, and some of his worries.

Completely trusting, completely respectful. Completely open booked.

I stood, listening, struck by his brazen honesty, and His love for OUR father. In every step he was quick to acknowledge God as the one who had helped him through everything.

When we prayed, I felt it. He began to pray with such power, and love for God. He began to pour his heart out to His father, and it moved me. You could sense his love. When he prayed for my fellow brothers, and for myself, his passion overflowed into not only my heart, but to the hearts of my brothers.

It made me really think. From desperation to healing. From dry bones, to life. The transformation was evident, and you could not argue that this Jesus had came and invaded his life, wreaking who he was, and restoring the brokenness.

He was dead, but the bones that were the deadest seem to be the most thankful, and his thankfulness, and joy for His Father was catching.

Through his honesty I found myself lifted into the presence of the Lord, cradled by His mercy, and reminded of the incredible life changing encounter I’ve had with my Father.

It challenged me to be honest with those around me about MY story.

The Lord has given me life, and given me breath. He has freed me. He has given me a purpose, and a reason to wake in the morning, and he has given me JOY. There is no greater Savior then mine.

I want to share that with my brothers, and sisters, as well as those who have not yet come to know my Jesus.

How can they know the love and forgiveness they can have without me telling them?
There is freedom. There is hope. There is a reason to live. His name is Jesus.

 

 

Dry bones dancing!

“The hand of the LORD was upon me, and he brought me out by the Spirit of the LORD and set me in the middle of a valley; it was full of bones. He led me back and forth among them, and I saw a great many bones on the floor of the valley, bones that were very dry. He asked me, “Son of man, can these bones live?”
      I said, “O Sovereign LORD, you alone know.”
 Then he said to me, “Prophesy to these bones and say to them, ‘Dry bones, hear the word of the LORD! This is what the Sovereign LORD says to these bones: I will make breath enter you, and you will come to life. I will attach tendons to you and make flesh come upon you and cover you with skin; I will put breath in you, and you will come to life. Then you will know that I am the LORD.’ ”   So I prophesied as I was commanded. And as I was prophesying, there was a noise, a rattling sound, and the bones came together, bone to bone. I looked, and tendons and flesh appeared on them and skin covered them, but there was no breath in them.

 Then he said to me, “Prophesy to the breath; prophesy, son of man, and say to it, ‘This is what the Sovereign LORD says: Come from the four winds, O breath, and breathe into these slain, that they may live.’ ” So I prophesied as he commanded me, and breath entered them; they came to life and stood up on their feet—a vast army.”

Ezekiel 37:1-10

The Lord gave me these verses two weeks ago. This story is a refrence to the land of Isreal, but I see it as a message to the land of America. I heard this passage quoted in a song, and I went to check it out, and I must have read it three times when I actually begin to feel the message inside of me. The desperation of the bones called out to me. The dryness, the dead….the brokenness, the hopelessness screamed into my heart. These bones were the deadest of the dead (I know, horrible grammar). You could not get any drier than they were. They were D-E-A-D.

These bones, they were alive at one point. They existed. They had blood pumping through them, and spoke freely. They breathed like we breathe,laughed like we laugh, cried like we cry, but they died.Then God says it.

“Say to these bones: I will make breath enter you, and you will come to life. I will attach tendons to you and make flesh come upon you and cover you with skin; I will put breath in you, and you will come to life. Then you will know that I am the LORD.’”

These bones are us. These bones are our loved ones. These bones are the people who surround us. These bones are our enemies, these bones are the undeserving. These bones are the broken, and these bones are the social outcasts. These bones are in need of a savior, and they are in need of life, and restoration.

Switch tracks with me, fast forward many years to the time of Jesus.In John (chapter 5) Jesus asks the man who has been paralyzed for over 30 years “Do you want to be healed?” The man responds that he can’t be healed because no one is able to help him into the water. How typical. How like me. The man could only see his situation, and not the healing that was about to occur.

Back to the dead bones. The bones are all around. They cover everywhere you see. They are piled ontop of eachother. What do you think would be your first responce when God asks you if the bones can live? If it was me, I think I would have just laughed. ”But God, look at all those bones. There’s so many of them. They are so DRY. They are so lifeless.” We put God into the box of the impossible, and walk by them. Are you looking at the piles of bones around you (or are you the pile of bones) so hard that you’re missing the coming wind that will restore you, and the bones surrounding you? 

Or, are you standing beside the pile of bones, holding the wind inside of you, knowing that you can bring them in life, but you stand wondering if they are too dead and dry for God to breathe life into? Do you stand wondering if the bones will ever live again?

I feel like a lot of us who call ourselves Christians in 2008 fall into these two categories. The bones, and the prophet. For the prophet-we’ve been given a mission, but for the bones-a lot of us have allowed time, and stress to eat away our flesh and we’ve become dry.

We all need a savior, and those of us who have placed our trust in our Lord and savior, Jesus, have a savior. Why is it that we look for other, temperary sources of life and breath to fill our lungs and try to raise us then depending on our father to bring us back to life? 

You know, at the end of the story, the dry bones rise up, and they become a vast army.

 Can you imagine being part of that army? Can you imagine the gratitude, and joy of bones who have just been raised to life? One moment you’re as dead as can be, the next, you are more alive then you’ve ever been. Praise swells in your heart, thankfulness overflowing out of you. New life. A new chance to right wrongs and live again.

I’m praying for that life. I’m praying for that thankfulness. I’m praying for that undying love and appreciation for the giver of life.

 Rise up, hear the words of the Lord, and live, no really,live again.

Cherry blossoms, poetry, and biter coffee

(Cherry Blossems, Washington DC, March 30, 2008) 

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Silently falling, drifting to the ground.

Quietly weeping, making little sound.

The flower falls, the branch remaining,

No more tears, emotions maintaining.

We watch it drift, We watch it fall,

standing together, we lose it all.

Later,

we silently sit,

and silently we sip.

at the corner coffee shop.

Please. Don’t let it stop.

At the metro

giggling so.

Acting like children,

a picture, before the memory grows dim.

A hesitant goodbye,

A burdened sigh,

A Bible and cheer.

Now, I hold the moments dear.

 

 

 

The sisters I were supposed to have….

You know those hurts in your life that cling onto you? Those thorns in your flesh that will NOT let you go, no matter how hard you want to rid yourself of them. The thorns that you thought you had dealt with, but come back to bite you again, and again, and again.

Today I struggle with one of those thorns. The thorn of longing.

A year ago we ended the process of adopting two girls, a process that had gone on for three years. The case was closed because they had been placed with a Russian family. It didn’t matter that we had submitted thousands of documents, spent thousands of dollars, traveled once to Russia, and had met the girls here in America for 4 days. It didn’t matter that we didn’t get to say goodbye. It didn’t matter that we didn’t get to tell them how hard we tried, and that we didn’t give up on them. WE didn’t matter.

So what, you say. What’s the problem? Yeah, exactly. No one can really understand the emotions revolving around this. A year later, and with two other blessings home with me I find myself still battling with it. Yes, I love the sisters I have so much. I can’t imagine life without them. I’m crazy about them, but, there’s still a part of my heart that will never be the same because of my two other beauties. My little sisters who never made it home.

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Last night I could not sleep. It was around 1:00 when I finally nodded off. I dreamed. I dreamed I was holding pne of my little sisters who never came home in my arms. We were going home to America. She drew my family a book. It said “I’m so glad my parents came for me. I love my family.” I held her, and we hugged, and that’s all I remember. The thing is I don’t remember my parents even being there. It was just me, and my little sis, and it was only one of them. Why? I do not know.

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When I woke up, it took me awhile to realize what I had dreamed, and when I did, it broke me. I was angry. I was sad. I was upset. We never came for her. We couldn’t. It was impossible, the agency told us. A closed case. I have not seen, or heard my little sisters’s voices for three years. I never will again.

When I woke, I was filled with this incredible longing to just hold my little sisters, those who never came home to me. It is a longing that can never be filled. It’s basically as if they died, but I get to live with the fact that I don’t know who they are being raised by, I don’t know where they are, I don’t know if they are safe, I don’t know their favorite color anymore, or be the one they call “big sister.”

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Their faces and voices are like broken records in my head. The memories flood me every moment. I physically wince, because it hurts so much.

I’m jealous. I’m jealous of the family who became their foster parents. I’m jealous of the memories that I have to hold, and not get to ever re-live again. I am so grateful for what I have, but I am so broken over what could, and should have been, and longing to hold them one more time, and tell them that I love them.

You never get over something like this, NEVER.

I KNOW God has a purpose in this.

I KNOW my little sisters are where they are supposed to be.

I KNOW God has placed them on my heart for a reason.

I KNOW God know’s best.

I know a lot of things, but it still stings.

I will ALWAYS carry them in my heart, the sisters that were supposed to be.

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Joy in the journey

 

 

“Seems there’s just so many roads to travel, it’s hard to tell where they will lead
My life is scarred and my dreams unraveled
Now I’m scared to take the leap
If I could find someone to follow who knows my pain and feels the weight
The uncertainty of my tomorrow, the guilt and pain of yesterday.”

~Every Man~

 

I’m on the biggest journey of my life. I am deciding what college to transfer to, what I want to do with my life, and where I should work this summer. A lot of the firm paths that I have traveled on surrounded by loving and encouraging friends have veered off, and I have gone to the path less traveled. The path covered with rocks, and branches. The path that is dark, and lonely. There are many things to trip on, and lately I’ve been falling flat on my face. This SHOULD be the happiest time of my life, but I find myself where I’ve always been. Stuck in the same rut, with the same situations. Some call it “squished butterfly syndrome”. Perhaps it is, but I feel like the life has been sucked out of me. I know why this is happening. I know full well. I know a lot of things, but I’m missing who I am, I am missing my name, and what I am known for. I’m missing my joy. And can you guess who has stolen it?

I’m walking this dark path, and instead of skipping with my Daddy, I find myself just curled up, unmoving in the dirt. Like Ash said, I have scales on my eyes. I can’t see where I’m going, and I can’t even see my Father right in front of me. My critical spirit has my brain spinning, and my broken heart has my emotions screaming. There’s not quiet. No peace. No JOY. I’ve been carrying the cross of my troubles, and it has fallen on me, and crushed me.

So what am I going to do? Just sit here in my brokenness, bruised and alone? No, that’s not me. I may be out for awhile, I may take time to catch my breath, but I always rise. Why? Because my Daddy loves me, and he helps me back up.

Father remove the scales from my eyes. Help me to see your love. Help my heart to beat for you, and for YOU alone.

I know that while I am listening to the heart beat of God, my heart will sync with His, and that is where I find my joy. I think Jesus said it best in John 15:9-11.

“As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father’s commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete.”

Remain in the Love of God, that’s where JOY comes from.

 I choose to believe that my God hasn’t left me, he’s right next to me, Holding onto my back, comforting me. Even though I can’t see Him, I will CHOOSE to have joy as I face another week, another day, another hour, another moment in service to Him.  

Yes, I’ve fallen facedown, but I find joy in the darkness. I find joy in the confusion. I find joy in the loneliness. I find joy in friendship. I find joy in hope. I find joy IN my Joy-Abiding in Christ.

More Passion 2008 pictures

A week later, I’m still processing. I don’t know what’s up with me today. I need some time to think, I think :) . I’m going to take tonight off from any deep Passion posts, and continue with them later this week, or next week. There’s so many stories yet to be told. Francis’s sermon on Saturday, as well as Louie’s final sermon to recap, as well as a few more “God moments”. There’s more to come, BUT….my brain is on overload. I’m exausted, and I’m not really sure what’s going on anymore. So, for now, enjoy a few more pictures.

Charlie Hall ^

Chris, Christy, and the “all star” band ^

The projection screen!^

Matt Redman ^

Chris Tomlin ^

“SING SING SING”

That’s all for now, folks…..^ (The Bitersweet Symphony)

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