Many of you know how I am serving as a Youth Intern this summer like I did last summer. One of the peaks of working in Youth Ministry is being able to attend the trips with the Youth. This past week we went to Philadelphia to serve alongside Broad Street Ministry. Broad Street Ministry serves on South Broad Street in Center City, Philadelphia. BSM has a high emphasis on homeless outreach and outreach to those who have been burned by the church. The way they “do church” is radically different from the traditional Southern American church. They reach out to the artistic community around them and draw in crowds of people who typically would not dare to enter a church. I was touched by the ministry of BSM and honored to serve alongside the staff (five summer interns and a directerr). Each day our team (my team leader was the best-yay for Anna Shaw!!!) went to a different project, everything from ripping up hundred year old carpet, cleaning alongside recovering drug and alcohol addicts in a recovery program called New Jerusalem Now, serving at a homeless ministry called St. John’s Hospice and labeling cans of food for the largest food bank in PA, Philabundence, and preparing for Broad Street’s homeless ministry, Breaking Bread. We encountered many injustices and grappled with the underlying issues behind them.
One day I experienced something that changed my world forever and it was found in something as simple as singing “Happy Birthday” to a homeless man. I have never been so happy, and never felt so free as when I was belting out those simple words and watching his face turn from heaviness to delight. I didn’t really think of it at the time, but it was all I really could give. Half of me was going “What the heck are you doing?” and 1/2 of me was going ”You were called to this.” When it was over, the look on his face was amazing. Just to know that I somehow lightened a little bit of his load really encouraged me.
Sometimes I got overwhelmed to think of all the suffering that I saw in Philly and continue to see now that I am home. How can I make a difference? I’ll be honest, I’ve been tired these past few months. Since school ended I’ve felt myself change and I don’t really like the change that occurred. I feel like I lost a little bit of me, and a bit of my joy. I’ve been too easily burdened with injustices in my own life and sorrows that I have experienced to really feel like myself. Don’t get me wrong, even on my darkest days there is a line where I cannot cross-I am still rejoicing in Christ, but I just was not myself. I feel like I’m getting myself back though this trip. I’m writing poetry again, I’m laughing, and I’m excited (although stressed at times!) for my summer, or what is left of it. I still carry around the faces I met on this trip to Philly. I remember the men and woman who are brave enough to admit they need help at New Jerusalem now and the man who took the time to help share his story and advise me despite his own sorrows. God keeps giving me glimpses of Him-enough to keep going-and going-and going. He doesn’t promise that the path will be easy, painless, enjoyable or not exhausting. He doesn’t promise we won’t spend time in the wilderness, in sorrow, in constant questions and exaustion (infact, He says it will be like that)but He gives us the grace to endure despite our circumstances, and help others along the way. While in Philly I dusted off the old Poetry journal and I’d like to share a poem I wrote with you. I did some edits since Friday, but it’s still basically the same.
“Broken life, Broken dreams,
Neverending silent screams,
Walking by in plenty of need,
Watching you as you bleed.
I’ve ignored the injustice of your case,
Stereotyped your complex race,
Blinded eyes and deafened ears,
Heart is locked with no tears.
Help me, I don’t want to feel.
Help me, the pain is so real.
Why is it that I just want to hide?
Shove it away, due to pride.
Well, today I’m changing my perspective,
Although the time has come and I’ve almost left this,
With my bags I carry all the faces,
inside my heart the many changes.
As we walk towards eternity,
the path I’m on only You can see.
I feel your hand stabilizing my frame,
and I press on, all for the sake of your name.
