Archive for God Moments

{ May 3, 2009 @ 1:13 pm } · { Christianity, God Moments, church, life, videos }
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It’s been awhile since I dusted off the old blog, I know. I’m sorry. God has been doing some crazy stuff in my life. I’m finishing up my associates degree, and moving along to my bachlor’s degree next fall which will require transferring colleges, and moving. I’m incredibly excited about what God is going to do, and what he is doing in my life now. So, what is He doing lately?

The Puritans believed that in order to reach heaven you had to pass through a “wilderness” or a period of testing given by God. I’ll admit, lately I’ve felt as though I went through a sort of wilderness in my life. This wilderness is nothing compared to the “winter of loss” as I call it, but it’s been a long year. Through it all, all of the testing, and all of the taking away, part of me just cries out to be heard by the Savior of the Universe. The other part of me tries to be stubbornly strong saying that I don’t need him, but I know I can’t even breathe without Him. In all reality where I am finding myself now is best. What a perfect place to be when you’re being completely broken before the savior of the universe. It’s also incredibly uncomfortable to be broken by the hand of God so our flesh naturally fights against it. I prayed for Him to break the idols in my life and He is responding by smashing them down. It’s beautiful, but it hurts. When you hold things before God that are substitutes for His glory and His love, how can he stand by and let you ruin your life? If you DON’T feel him ripping your idols away, you should be concerned. I knowthat I am His because of the way that He is disciplining me for my unfaithfulness. In contrast to my unfaithful actions, His faithfulness is showing up in ways I have never experienced before through this. I don’t regret anything over this past year because I feel as though I have grown more then I have in years past, but let me tell you nothing is worth the amount of pleasure it brings unless it’s actions point directly to the cross of Christ. So many times I’ve pursued things that I thought were right only to realize that I was moving only on my feelings. I am reminded that this Christian life is not about “feelings.” Just because I may not “feel” God doesn’t not mean He is not there, oh no, it means He is all the more closer, I just have to shut up enough to listen to Him. Just because this doesn’t “feel” good does not mean that God is not using this for His glory. I expect this. I expect pain and suffering, I am not perfect and there’s times that I grow frustrated, but that’s growth isn’t it? Do you know how muscles are strengthened? In order to make muscles larger they develop small tears that end up swelling (or so I was just told). Feeling sore isn’t always comfortable, but you know that you are developing something that will benefit you in the long run (no pun intended!).

I look forward to getting back into the swing of sharing life with you, my wordpress blog friends (and my facebook feed stalkers). To God be the glory.

Thoughts on life

{ February 9, 2009 @ 6:21 pm } · { Christianity, God Moments, college, life }
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The cars around me fade away. I get lost in my thoughts, lost and I’m still breathing. I can feel my heartbeat in my chest and it echos into my ears. Beat. Beat. Beat. The rhythum of my pulse reminds me that I am living. I am breathing. I am alive. Thoughts push and invade into my mind-some bardge in unwelcome and uninvited but I stop fighting against them to think of things bigger then myself. I drive on thinking about heaven, eternity, and life itself. I look at the people around me, the people walking down the street, the people in the car next to me. They’re alive too. They’re not only alive, but they’re alive with me….why?

The questions start-how can I be alive today? Why am I alive now instead of in days past or days to come? What is it like to be fully alive and why can’t I reach it now? I don’t think I’ll ever be fully alive on earth so why am I here? Why am I here right now? Why am I here with the people that I am here with now? Am I making a difference? Am I making enough of a difference? Why do some people who want to live die young and some people who want to die live for 90 years.

Questions never leave me alone when I drive in my car. I question everything and everyone. It’s my space to think, my space to exsist. Kind of dangerous, yes, but I need to ask the questions I do.

This life is so real. The fact that I’m living is so absolute. Life is not a joke, so what am I doing with the time I’ve been given?

If I’m going to really live I need to let go of the people who’ve hurt me. I need to let go of my fear of abandonment and fear in itself. It’s time to let go of my past and the haunting feeling I can’t seem to shake. “What if?” is not the question. “What now?” is…what am I doing with the time that I’ve been given? I’ve made mistakes in my past, but what am I doing today to increase God’s glory. Each day is a new day. Each moment a new chance.

I don’t know how to say this to make you realize that your life is precious. God designed you to be here (wherever here is for you). We’re co-existing for a reason. You’re on my blog for a reason. I don’t know about you but I don’t want to take another breath for granted. You are loved despite the mistakes you’ve made. Get up and start again, together lets fight to change the world maybe one last time. You are loved. God has a purpose and a plan for you. Why are these simple concepts so hard to remember and accept sometimes? It’s all about Him. It’s all about His glory. Yes, I am living, and yes, I am breathing and yes, I am totally His.

The God who Sees

{ January 25, 2009 @ 11:30 pm } · { Christianity, Family, God Moments, church, life }
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In Sunday School we’re studying the names of God. One of this weeks names was “El Roi” or better known in English as “The God who sees.” All thoughout this week it’s been on my heart (I’m making a collage about it as we speak). I’ve been thinking about it, and it’s just been blowing me away. God has seen everything that has happened to me all thoughout my life. Even the things that no earthly person will ever know, He knows. Those things that I am ashamed of, who I used to be, what I used to do, what people did to me-He saw. Right now, He’s sitting here with me as I write this, because He lives inside me and He is watching over me. That can either be a comfort or something that scares the crap out of me. He’s watching me. He sees me.

The story we studyed was the story of Hagar. I’ll summerize it to you in my language (keep in mind, this is a paraphase, the real story can be found in Genisis 16) Basically what happens to her is that Sarah can’t have children and she gets frustrated. So she tells Abraham to have sex with Hagar so that she could have a kid. All my life I’ve seen Hagar as sort of the provocative one, but today I realized, Hagar had no real choice in the matter. What if she didn’t want to sleep with Abraham? What if she wanted to be pure? Esentually, Hagar was a slave who was forced into sex slavery. Hagar realizes she’s pregnant now and starts to be mean to Sarai (I never really thought of it that perhaps she was angry at Sarah for making her do something against her will, perhaps she felt violated, and insecure and that is why she bugged Sarah so much)-so Sarah’s like forget her Abraham, she’s driving me nuts. Abraham basically tells Sarah do what you want to her-leave me out of it. So Sarah starts to abuse Hagar, and what does Hagar do? She runs. She books it. She’s out of there. Pregnant, alone, abused, and frustrated-she flees into the desert. Then what happens? The angel of the Lord finds her. Was Hagar missing to God? No. Do you realize how incredible this is? God looks for Hagar. If there’s one thing in life I want, it’s to be found. It’s been a constant theme in my life. I just want someone to seek me, persue me, and find me worthy to be waited for. God knows just what Hagar desired and needed and He finds her in the desert, pregnant, alone, and afraid. I found it interesting what God does next. He asks her “where have you come from, and where are you going?” Do you think God didn’t know where she came from or where she is going? No-that’s exacally the amazing thing, He is the God who sees-He knew all about her past and future, but He asks her about where she is going and where she has been because He wants to hear from her and have communication with her. Women want to be heard. They want to have a chance to talk about what’s been done to them, who they are now, and where they are headed. So Hagar tells Him that she’s running away. What does God do? Not what you would have wanted Him to do. God didn’t fix everything and make it perfect for her like we want Him to in our lives. Instead He says to her-you know what, all that crap that happened to you-go back to it. Submit to Sarah, your master. Live there again, and I’m going to make your desendents to be too many to count. He promises her the greatest thing a woman could want back then-something that would outlive her. She obeys God and because of it, she is blessed.

Have you ever run away like Hagar? I haven’t physically, although I’ve been tempted to. Have you ever hid? I used to do it all of the time. As a child I used to just build myself a tent with my sheets. When bad things would happen I would go and hide away in my tent that I built with my covers. I’d curl up, burrow myself until I could bearly breathe and stay there. No one could find me (or so I thought). No one could see me. No one could hurt me. I was safe because I hid. My door was closed, and locked, and I was safe. When I grew older I realized that hiding under a bedsheet was no longer acceptable so I began to hide myself under masks. The mask of put together Christian was one I hid under SO OFTEN-even to my own family. I boast in this that I am amazing at drama. I can pretend that I am okay when I am really suffering. I am good at hiding my emotions when I want to. I don’t know about you, but for me hiding gets exausting.  As I age, I’ve just pretty much stopped. Back then, a closed door was my best friend, and a comfort, but the comfort only lasted for so long. I couldn’t handle it for too long because I was being eaten from the inside out. I opened the door and stopped hiding when I entered college. I wanted to become me. I admit to a certian degree there are some things that people just won’t know about me regarding my past, but what you see is pretty much what you get when it comes to me now, and I’ve never been happier. God has blessed me beacause I have come out of hiding and I’ve seen how my obedience to be brave and to go back to the situations that made me hide before and depend on God for strength and stay in them results in blessings for me, and for people in the future.

All this to say-I am Hagar. In my past, and now. All thoughout my life there is one person I could and can never hide from and that was and is my God. God saw me. He found me. He came to me. He saw my failed attempts to pretend I was happy and held me as I wept in frustration that my life was falling apart or cradled and wept for me those terrifying three years where I did not shed a tear. He saw me when like Hagar, consequences from other peoples decitions effected me and tore me apart. He found me-and there’s so much He’s promised me that I know He will do with my life. Have you ever thought about God being troubled for and with you? I never had. Isaiah 63:9 talks about God being distressed for His people. Now, there’s a certian degree where God’s not biting his fingernails at our actions afraid of what is going to happen because God knows what is going to happen, but God feels and shares in our pain. Right before Jesus raised Lazarous from the dead when His friends are like “dude Jesus, you totally abandoned us, if you had come earlier, this wouldn’t have happened” Jesus weeps. Can you imagine what Jesus crying would have looked like? I’m the kind of person that I hold my friends when they cry, and I cry when they cry too. In a way, I think that’s a piece of God’s heart. He sees us in our broken state and although He may not be freaking out like us, He weeps, or is frustrated, or hurts for us. Wow. God is “The God who sees.” Does that totally blow anyone else away? God sees me as worthy of been seen, and found.

Let Me Love You More

{ January 14, 2009 @ 7:22 pm } · { Christianity, God Moments, church, college, life }
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One of my favorite worship artists (outside of Charlie Hall, Brooke Fraser and Matt Redman) is Misty Edwards. In music there’s nothing I love more then raw lyrics. If there’s one word that describes Misty’s music it’s raw. So I’m sitting here in frontof this computer screen when I get the urging to listen to some of her music. I bring it up on my friend Mr. Computer and she begins to sing. You know those times where you’re just like "wait…what?" Well, that happened. I swear, I’ve listened to Misty 2,000 times and every time it just hits me at a different dimension. I’ll admit. Then I go and listen to this song:

I’m in love with a Man I’m in love with a Stranger
I’m in love with my Maker whom I have never seen
I’m in love with the Lamb I’m in love with the Lion
I’m in love with my Savior whom I have yet to know

O won’t You let me love You more, this is all that I desire
Won’t You let me love You more this is all that I require
Won’t You let me love You more this is my deepest heart’s desire
Won’t You let me love You more still more and more

You could give to me the gift of walking on water
maybe I will raise the dead
I have one life to live all I have to give to You is love
I have one life to live all I have to give to You is loveIf I never walk on water if I never see the miracles
if I never hear your voice so loud
Just knowing that You love me is enough to keep me here
Just hearing those words is enough is enough to satisfy
You do You do You satisfy I couldn’t leave even if a tried
I must have You I must have You

When it’s been said and when it’s all been done
When the race is run it all comes to love

 

I know nothing about love. I’ve never been in love. I don’t know what it’s like to fall in love….but I do when it comes to Christ. Last semester I feel in love with Christ head over heels. He consumed every moment and it was utterly amazing. He was who I ran to, and trusted in. He was my thoughts, and my breath. I knew I could not do it without Him. Why? I spent time with Him. Every waking moment practically. When I wasn’t playing worship music I was listening to sermons. When I wasn’t listening to sermons I was in the word. When I wasn’t in the word I was praying. I need to become like that again. I need to let Him romance, and consume me. The way I show my love is through quality time. That is my love language. I don’t care what we do, I just want to be with the people that I care about (okay, and even those I don’t…I’m just a people person!). God wants the same. He wants to be around me. He wants to be the one I run to. I never really thought about the idea that God is jealous of me. He’s jealous when I run to my best friends instead of Him when an issue arises in life (not to say that I shouldn’t go to my Godly friends, I should, but He should be the first I run to!). I want to fall in love with God again. Nothing is holding me back. Nothing is getting in my way. I want to be able to say that He is all I live for.

Can we say that our deepest desire is to know Christ and to love Him more? Is knowing that He loves me enough even if we are never to hear His voice? If not, why isn’t it?…..

Just some things to think about.

Police are following you!

{ October 6, 2008 @ 5:47 pm } · { God Moments, church, life }
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Recently I was driving down a highway by my house when a policeman started to drive beside me. All of a sudden I was filled with that sickening feeling of panic. Did I have my lights on? Check. Was I driving the speed limit? Check. Are both of my license plates on (why would I have taken them off in the first place-I don’t know???)? check. AAHHHH. I began to panic real time as I realized my wallet was in my dresser drawer at home. I NEVER put it there, but I just so happened to have taken it out of where I normally keep it to put it in there while I cleaned up, and I TOTALLY forgot to put it back. I forgot to breathe. I felt my face flush. I wanted to hide. Mr. Policeman was still beside me. He didn’t have his lights on, there was nothing threatening about Him, but I just could not shake the feeling of fear I had regarding him. What if he found a reason to pull me over? My Dad would KILL me!! What if he found a reason to put me in jail? What if I got in big trouble? What if….the questions just kept hounding me, and my heart hurt.

Then…I got to thinking. So often in life, this describes my relationship with Christ. When I don’t “feel” him around, it’s easy for me to justify sin, and say well, a little bit won’t be bad. It’s okay if I get angry at my professor, it’s okay if I get frustrated-but, I forget the fact that Christ lives inside of me and sees EVERYTHING.

When I take the time to think about what I’ve done, and realize this fact, I panic. How can a God who knows so much still love me? What if I messed up too much? What if I’ve fallen too far away from Him? What if He decides to go away from me?

The very authorities that I hate, and cower from are the ones who were created to help and protect me. Policemen are a place of safety. They protect us. They guard us. They risk their lives for us everyday. The only reason to fear them is if you are doing something wrong. If you live according to the commandments of God you do not need to fear that He will let go of you-in fact, we are reminded in James Chapter 1 that God is a giver of GOOD GIFTS to us, not things that harm us or hurt us. While it is true that God punishes those He loves, He also gives us GOOD gifts, so unless we’re living in the wrong we have nothing to panic about. We should FEAR God in the sense that we respect Him, and know the consequences for our sin, but we should also realises his love and gifts poured over us each and every day. What an amazing thing to think about. What an amazing God we serve!

Devotions on the shores of Hawaii

{ July 3, 2008 @ 7:26 pm } · { God Moments, church, friends }
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This was the image on the night that I shared the devotion on the shore of Hawaii. I’m convinced God painted the skies for us. It couldn’t have been any more beautiful, except for the passage that God had planned out for me to read that night. I had prepared the lesson beforehand, and the scripture could not have been any better. God put it on my heart. It needed no introduction, so I just started reading. All you could hear was the sound of the waves lapping at the shore. It was so God.

Isaiah 40:12-26

“Who has measured the waters in the hollow of his hand,
       or with the breadth of his hand marked off the heavens?
       Who has held the dust of the earth in a basket,
       or weighed the mountains on the scales
       and the hills in a balance?

 Who has understood the mind  of the LORD,
       or instructed him as his counselor?

Whom did the LORD consult to enlighten him,
       and who taught him the right way?
       Who was it that taught him knowledge
       or showed him the path of understanding?

Surely the nations are like a drop in a bucket;
       they are regarded as dust on the scales;
       he weighs the islands as though they were fine dust.

 Lebanon is not sufficient for altar fires,
       nor its animals enough for burnt offerings.

Before him all the nations are as nothing;
       they are regarded by him as worthless
       and less than nothing.

To whom, then, will you compare God?
       What image will you compare him to?

As for an idol, a craftsman casts it,
       and a goldsmith overlays it with gold
       and fashions silver chains for it.

A man too poor to present such an offering
       selects wood that will not rot.
       He looks for a skilled craftsman
       to set up an idol that will not topple.

Do you not know?
       Have you not heard?
       Has it not been told you from the beginning?
       Have you not understood since the earth was founded?

 He sits enthroned above the circle of the earth      
and its people are like grasshoppers. 
He stretches out the heavens like a canopy, 
and spreads them out like a tent to live in.

He brings princes to naught
       and reduces the rulers of this world to nothing.

No sooner are they planted,
       no sooner are they sown,
       no sooner do they take root in the ground,
       than he blows on them and they wither,
       and a whirlwind sweeps them away like chaff.

 ”To whom will you compare me?
       Or who is my equal?” says the Holy One.

 Lift your eyes and look to the heavens:
       Who created all these?
       He who brings out the starry host one by one,
       and calls them each by name.
       Because of his great power and mighty strength,
       not one of them is missing.”

The very same God who formed the heavens knows your name, and each hair on your head. He is intimately acquainted with the struggles of your heart, and the passion that lies inside. Won’t you trust Him now?

Things I don’t understand…

{ June 12, 2008 @ 8:49 am } · { God Moments, church, friends, life }
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There are times when life throws us a curveball. We don’t understand why somethings come up, and sometimes it seems as though the things that get thrown at us happen at the worst time.

Tonight I have a place in my heart where I feel like I’ve been stabbed. I’m hurting not only for myself, but for my brothers and sisters. At the same time I find myself incredibly excited for what God’s going to do.

The situation is long, the situation is complex, the situation surprised us all. After all of the laughter, the news came last night. I had a record amount of calls, emails, and IMs. No, no one died, but it feels like it.

This situation leads me to wonder, “Okay, God, what are you doing through this?” I see the situation, and it looks grim. I’m far away from the situation, but I’m going to go down this weekend to be closer to it.

So quick am I to ask “God, what’s up with this?” but then I am reminded that He still is in control. He still is strong. He still is great. He hasn’t left us, or hid His face from us, we are hiding our faces from Him in our hurt. So instead of falling down in discouragement I choose today to face ahead with joy, knowing that He makes all things beautiful in His time.

Gavel

{ April 20, 2008 @ 10:33 pm } · { God Moments, church }
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In my hand I hold a gavel,
I use it to condemn the lost.
All around the world I will travel,
and all of the bridges I cross.
I search to find justice,
for my unending pain,
and stand passing judgement,
on those who’ve sinned the same.
Running to hurt, those who’ve heart me,
Falling again, Can’t you see???
Broken, beaten, battered and bruised,
I’ve lost all I’ve had-which was nothing to lose.
Falling to my face, My knees give way
for the first time, I am at a loss as to what to say.
Facedown in the dirt, slime and mire,
relief is now the only thing I desire.
How can you forgive a man like me?
When I’ve been everything but what you wanted me to be.

 

 

 

 

All because of Jesus

{ April 14, 2008 @ 12:30 pm } · { God Moments, life }
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Today it seems like everything has not gone as I have expected it. It is easy for me to become angry at why things are happening, and then I am reminded of the blessing of life. I do not want to take each day for granted. Each day is a gift from our father. Although my day was far from amazing, I was reminded of a passage that was read at Frontline last night. It is found in Colossians 1:15-17. Then, I remembered that we who believe on Jesus are held by a greater God. He has been around for forever, and He holds EVERYTHING together. No matter what you face today, the very same God that is making the earth spin is holding you in His arms. I will leave you with that verse.

He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him. He is before all things, and in him all things hold together.

Passion DC, Louie’s Second Message

{ March 5, 2008 @ 8:59 am } · { God Moments }
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I think I said this before, but I really feel like Louie, and Francis went through my journal and picked things that I needed to hear, and Louie’s second message was one that I needed, but not that I wanted to hear. Here are a few points I walked away with.

He echoed Francis’s message that when we have an encounter with the Holy Spirit, we do not remain the same. Our friends look at us, and they think “She’s not like the other Christians I know.” But so many of our friends look at us and think “She’s the same as I am.” The thing is that God is made most famous when our lives are changed.

God is also made famous when we are in the most difficult places. Our message us loudest when our lives hurt the most.

The most daring prayer you can ever pray “Lord, it’s okay if pain comes into my life.” Pain will come, people you love will leave, you will be stripped of what you believe is the most important things in your life, but God will never leave you.

He tells us in In HIM we may have PEACE though our hard times.

When the hard times roll, lock your gaze on the cross of Jesus Christ, and NEVER take your gaze off of it.

While your gaze is on the cross you’ll become aware of the truths surrounding your life. They’ll be no question in your mind, you’ll know that Jesus loves you.

God allows freedom, but maintains control. There’s freedom of choice, but there’s also soverngty.

In trouble, there’s an overcoming savior.

God’s painting on a canvas that’s bigger then we can see. We see only a corner of the whole canvas.

When you lock your gaze on the cross of Christ you realise that what you are going through, no matter how horrible, or how trying it is, Christ went through it.

“Oh my goodness, this happened to you. I’m not the first to be alone. I’m not the first to suffer. I’m not the first to be rejected. I’m not the first to be without love. I’m not the first to be abandoned. I’m not the first……….fill in your own blank…..you’re not the first to have gone through it.”

When your life is over, what story will be told?

“God, will you use me?”

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