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the depths of which you love, you will hurt

{ August 17, 2009 @ 12:44 am } · { Christianity, Family, church, college, friends, life }
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I had the great opportunity to sit under the teaching of Beth Moore this Sunday. Okay, it was via a projector and DVD, but nevertheless, it was Beth Moore. I’m not normally a Beth Moore fan, and I don’t normally go to the Beth Moore Bible study at my church since I’ve been living in a different county then my home church and working on Sundays (at a different church). DVD series’ tend to be a challenge for me anyway just because I am A.D.D. and can’t focus, but I try not to use that excuse anymore. I decided to go to Sunday School this week thanks to the encouragement of one of my big sisters, Mandy, and because I knew my other awesome friend Candi would be there because she leads it! I figured what the heck…why not eh? It’ll be fun I’m sure.

Sheesh-I had no idea what I was getting myself into. Talk about some heavy topics. The topic was on “Intensive Care” and Beth Moore talked about living in God’s intensive care unit. I’m really bad at summarizing, and I didn’t take any notes in class due to my lame excuse of not having a pen and feeling bad about asking for one, but this is what I got about God’s intensive care:

1. It’s a place where only you can go, a place where you go where you want your friends the most and they are not there for you. 

2. It’s place you go when you’re totally overwhelmed with specific sorrows and all you can think about is a specific pain that brings you there (it’s literally encircling you around your head and no matter where you turn you can’t get free from it). It doesn’t have to be a “big” thing in our society’s perspective or even our Christian circle’s perspective, but if it’s enough to consume you, then it’s enough to put you in intensive care.

3. Sometimes when you go there, your situation does not change. The cup does not pass from you and whatever sorrow brought you there in the first place does not get resolved.

BUT…

It’s there that we can be real with God. We can throw ourselves at the feet of God and literally kick and scream and ask “why” as much as we need-He won’t leave us there because our anger is “too much.” I admit, this is a new concept for me. I’ll question, sure-and I’ll be mad, yes, but I don’t dare show it physically. I was raised in a household that told me very clearly that we do not show anger-so I don’t. It doesn’t turn out well when I’ve faced tremendous grief (I think of one fall in specific where I wish I would have grieved better because years later I’m still dealing with it) with a lot of anger and I’ve just tried to ignore it. But God isn’t afraid of our (my) fits. He isn’t afraid of our screams, and in fact, by emptying ourselves of the negative emotions so many of us bottle and hide, we allow Him to fill us more with His spirit and joy. Asking “why” does not mean we doubt God. Asking “why” shows us that we’re hurting and we need Him now more then ever.

One line keeps sticking out to me from Beth’s message:

“To the depth of which you love, you will hurt.”

SO true for my life. I spent the night (I can’t sleep, in case you can’t tell) journaling the depth of some of my loves and losses (the more recent ones), and it’s been such a great time for me. I’m starting to be okay with the fact that I hurt and be okay with the fact that I lost some people that I dearly love and I am still grieving from those losses. My friends can’t help me, I have to face this on my own with God.  This whole summer God’s been at me regarding that, regarding the fact that I hurt, just like Him, I’ve lost, just like Him, and He wept when He suffered various losses, so why do I hold up the expectation to myself that I will not weep? He’s been giving me time alone with no one else beside me to make me understand that He is strong enough to hold me.

At the same time he’s helping me realize that I am surrounded by people who love and support me and want to help me through processing my loss if I’ll trust them enough to let them in. Even as I prepare to leave the circle of friends and support that I have here in Virginia (I move in 5 days), I won’t be away from the community of Christ. My challenge now is trusting from the start. I’m the kind of person who doesn’t like to trust, but as much as I am open to the help of others, God may just use some people to speak into my life in an amazing way.

I don’t know if this made much sense. It’s late, and my thoughts are kind of jumbled, but I want you to know that if you’re going through loss that you’re not alone. I want you to know that God can handle your questions, your anger, and your pain. I want you to know that He’s big enough to take all of your frustrations, and you don’t have to walk that path alone. Even if God’s calling you to intensive care where no one else can go but you know that you are being held by the prayers of the saints for you. I’ll say it again, you are not alone.

Portrait

{ July 23, 2009 @ 11:12 pm } · { Christianity, Poetry, adoption, church, college, friends, life }
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I draw my inspiration for this poem from the broken stories I have heard this summer, the broken stories on my campus that I carry with me and the brokenness in my own life. If you know me well enough, maybe you will recognize some stories, or maybe you can relate to bits and pieces of a verse. I promise you, you’re not suffering in vain, your stories will not remain untold, and your hurt has never been unnoticed. If your reading this and your hurting, always remember that someone cares and you are loved-never give up.

“Portraits”
The hurt comes back to haunt my dreams,
I kneel so stifled by my silent screams,
You rise-slowely punching the life out of me,
I rise-I stand so still praying no one sees.

Terror in the night I awake,
not a noise will I ever make.
I don’t even call for you,
Because I know there’s nothing you can do.

A black eye for a blackened heart
you swore you would never depart
an open door and packed bags you left
and you wonder why I speak your name less.

Crippled anger, wounds that never heal,
fallen away from what I hold dear.
Searching for something-anything to satisfy,
I walk this desert land so dry.

Constant nagging, requiring perfection,
breaking your set direction,
Call me a rebal if you choose,
In the end it’s me you lose.

Have I lost my mind?
I search for nothing to find,
why does this come as no surprise?
It’s killing me inside.

A crippled life and crushed dreams,
There’s more then meets the eye it seems.
but today I let it all go,
and traded in my sorrow.

A frantic call in the night,
I pull out my car in a state of fright.
The stars have never seemed so near,
and the night has never been so clear.

A hospital bed and a dying breath,
without a goodbye you must be left.
Push away the sorrow, push away the tears,
and count down the many years.

A child is too young to leave the place they call home,
but now we have found ourselves again alone.
The laughter and the tears echo in our minds,
If only we could stop, and rewind.

In the middle of this mess,
I’m finding you’re all I have left.
In the midst of my weakness,
it’s my brokenness you bless.

Lessons from Philly

{ July 5, 2009 @ 7:41 pm } · { Christianity, Poetry, church, friends, internship }
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Many of you know how I am serving as a Youth Intern this summer like I did  last summer. One of the peaks of working in Youth Ministry is being able to attend the trips with the Youth. This past week we went to Philadelphia to serve alongside Broad Street Ministry. Broad Street Ministry serves on South Broad Street in Center City, Philadelphia. BSM has a high emphasis on homeless outreach and outreach to those who have been burned by the church. The way they “do church” is radically different from the traditional Southern American church. They reach out to the artistic community around them and draw in crowds of people who typically would not dare to enter a church. I was touched by the ministry of BSM and honored to serve alongside the staff (five summer interns and a directerr). Each day our team (my team leader was the best-yay for Anna Shaw!!!) went to a different project, everything from ripping up hundred year old carpet, cleaning alongside recovering drug and alcohol addicts in a recovery program called New Jerusalem Now, serving at a homeless ministry called St. John’s Hospice and labeling cans of food for the largest food bank in PA, Philabundence, and preparing for Broad Street’s homeless ministry, Breaking Bread. We encountered many injustices and grappled with the underlying issues behind them.

One day I experienced something that changed my world forever and it was found in something as simple as singing “Happy Birthday” to a homeless man. I have never been so happy, and never felt so free as when I was belting out those simple words and watching his face turn from heaviness to delight. I didn’t really think of it at the time, but it was all I really could give. Half of me was going “What the heck are you doing?” and 1/2 of me was going ”You were called to this.” When it was over, the look on his face was amazing. Just to know that I somehow lightened a little bit of his load really encouraged me.

 Sometimes I got overwhelmed to think of all the suffering that I saw in Philly and continue to see now that I am home. How can I make a difference? I’ll be honest, I’ve been tired these past few months. Since school ended I’ve felt myself change and I don’t really like the change that occurred. I feel like I lost a little bit of me, and a bit of my joy. I’ve been too easily burdened with injustices in my own life and sorrows that I have experienced to really feel like myself. Don’t get me wrong, even on my darkest days there is a line where I cannot cross-I am still rejoicing in Christ, but I just was not myself. I feel like I’m getting myself back though this trip. I’m writing poetry again, I’m laughing, and I’m excited (although stressed at times!) for my summer, or what is left of it. I still carry around the faces I met on this trip to Philly. I remember the men and woman who are brave enough to admit they need help at New Jerusalem now and the man who took the time to help share his story and advise me despite his own sorrows. God keeps giving me glimpses of Him-enough to keep going-and going-and going. He doesn’t promise that the path will be easy, painless, enjoyable or not exhausting. He doesn’t promise we won’t spend time in the wilderness, in sorrow, in constant questions and exaustion (infact, He says it will be like that)but He gives us the grace to endure despite our circumstances, and help others along the way. While in Philly I dusted off the old Poetry journal and I’d like to share a poem I wrote with you. I did some edits since Friday, but it’s still basically the same.

“Broken life, Broken dreams,
Neverending silent screams,
Walking by in plenty of need,
Watching you as you bleed.
I’ve ignored the injustice of your case,
Stereotyped your complex race,
Blinded eyes and deafened ears,
Heart is locked with no tears.
Help me, I don’t want to feel.
Help me, the pain is so real.
Why is it that I just want to hide?
Shove it away, due to pride.
Well, today I’m changing my perspective,
Although the time has come and I’ve almost left this,
With my bags I carry all the faces,
inside my heart the many changes.
As we walk towards eternity,
the path I’m on only You can see.
I feel your hand stabilizing my frame,
and I press on, all for the sake of your name.

Cheering Caleb

{ March 2, 2009 @ 9:23 pm } · { Christianity, church, friends }
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Recently as I was watching my little sisters’ compete at a Christian games competition (AWANA games for those of you who know what that is!) I sat next to this rather large, rather loud man. Throughout the start of the games this man would yell out to his son sitting on the line. His voice boomed out over all the other noises.

“The Lord is your strength, Caleb!!!” …..”You are more then a conqueror through Christ, Caleb!…..”There is VICTORY in JESUS, Caleb!” …..”Caleb! Be strong in the  Lord!” …”No, I will not stop!”…..”Caleb, I love you!”

I could have cried. I’m sure the kid was pretty embarrassed (or loved it, when you’re in 2nd grade, you never really know), but the fact that his Dad was unashamed in encouraging him in the Lord really struck me. It made me think of Hebrews 12:1:

“Therefore since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with endurance the race that is marked out for us.”

Can you picture it? I can. I imagine myself running this path we call life. In my way are all these distractions and sins-like thorns and weeds, growing all over the path before me. Everything is crowding around me. I’m getting tripped up, and it’s hard through it all, but I’m not letting it stop me. No, I am going faster. Why? There are people who I’ve lost andwho have gone before me all around me, cheering me on. My Grandma is one of them. There’s two of my friends from gradeschool. One from High School. They’re cheering me on with loud voices, and I know I have to go on so I can make them proud. I don’t run this race  alone. I am never alone. People are watching me. Would I give up infront of them and dissapoint them? No. I continue on through the pain and through the thorns.  

We’re not alone in our race, this race we call life, on this path to Christ. The first step the devil takes to pry us from God is to isolate us. If it be making us believe we are alone or separating us from our Christian friends, he tries so hard to make sure we believe we have no one around us. See, it’s a lot easier to give up when you think no one is watching you. Don’t let him win in your life! Don’t give up. You are surrounded by a “cloud of witnesses.” Don’t give in to His lies or trip over the things in your path. You can do it. Whatever things may be thrown in your path to trip you up, remember we are more then conquerors through Christ who gives us strength. We are victorious!  Keep running hard towards the finish line.

Why God?

{ February 11, 2009 @ 11:05 pm } · { Christianity, Family, adoption, church, death, friends, life }
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  • A person who murdered a pregnant mother runs around free while somewhere in a prison only a few hours away lies a man in jail for a murder he did not commit.
  • A husband leaves a woman who is living out her walk with Christ and is fully devoted and commited to Him. She compound fractures her arm-needing surgery. It leaves her unable to drive, unable to cook and unable to hold her children. She is in pain. Not only that but her husbands oldest daughter dies of cancer at the age of 18 all in 2 weeks-Oh, and did we mention she has 5 kids the oldest being in 5th grade and two children under the age of 3?
  • A man who was in love with his teenage girlfriend gets locked up while another guy rapes a friend of mine and goes free. Different men come and buy sex slaves for one night stands and then walk away.
  • Two years pouring our lives into an adoption that is stopped by a heartless judge and a family who broke the rules.
  • Someone pulls a gun on someone elses son-crushing the families hopes and taking away what was a gift to them.
  • An amazing, young student of mine suffers from a disease no one should have to face. A disease that causes great pain, and danger to their life.
  • Physical and mental problems are one of the only constants in life.

There are countless stories of injustices that I have observed even just within this past month. Everyone has a story of a situation where they did not understand a horrendous sorrow that happened in someones life. If you don’t then you really are blessed! My heart is wrenched out of me and my breath taken away sometimes when I really stop and think about how unfair it is that some things happen to some people. So often does my heart cry out: “it’s so unfair God!”

Unfair? Who am I to say what is fair and just in the eyes of God? God breaks who he needs to break and mends who He needs to mend. His plan is so much bigger then I can see. As Christians we are not exempt from troubles-infact we are called to embrase them. Look at all the Christians in the Bible whom we hold and esteem as people to follow. Paul, Job, the disciples, JESUS….suffering doesn’t even come close to describe what they went through. Agony-sorrow-pain so beyond our imagination followed them. Things that should happen to no one happened to them. They followed God, they obeyed his commands. Why was their life embedded with the glass slivers of sorrow and blood drops of pain?  

Who’s to say that God will not take our sorrows and show the world His glory though them. That’s what it’s all about, right? His glory for the nations.

Why is that so hard to understand when everything we have is ripped away? We lose sight of the fact that we serve a God who’s greater then our little frame of time and we forget that something we’re going through now might not make sense until after we leave earth.

Matthew 5:45b “He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.”

Deep, huh? I’m still chewing on it. The sorrows I face in life are worth it. The sufferings we experience are reminders that this is not our home. Does the suffering we experience make God any less worthy of our praise? Does sorrow make him less of a God? No…it makes us realise we need more of Him. We need him to exchange beauty for our ashes. to give us the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and to bestow on us a garment of praise instead of the spirit of despair…even more so when there’s suffering. Even more do we need Him when there’s things we don’t understand.

Clouded Journey

{ February 2, 2009 @ 7:04 pm } · { Family, Poetry, church, friends, life }
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I’ve been writing some people in a very difficult situation. They are in a place that no one would wish to be in. Some are there because of the consequence of a decition that they made-some are there because of unjust reasons. Through it all one thing they both mentioned was that they feel like they are in the middle of a storm. I wrote this poem (really quickly, it’s not my best work) in hopes to encourage them to find peace in Christ in the middle of their storm.

The clouds gather on our journey,
Often covering our view of Him.
Our thoughts scrambled, chaotic, and unruly,
but we finally find peace within.
Although our storm may not disappear,
And rain may continue to fall-
He holds us through our fear,
when we find Him to be our all and all.
There are somethings we cannot change,
Often we fight His hand in our life.
“If only this he’d rearrange-
There would be so much less strife”
But we forget so easily
Of His grace and mercy so sweet.
Finding more of Him in less of me-
Where strength and suffering meet.

Abuse

{ January 27, 2009 @ 11:11 pm } · { Christianity, Family, Poetry, church, friends, life }
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Recently I was talking to a dear friend of mine and the issue of abuse came up. I started this poem adressing one form of abuse, and ended addressing several. Let’s face it, abuse is prevalent in our society. It is hidden better then ever before, but it is still very much a part of our lives. If you or someone you love is being abused, stand up and be heard. Do not let shame hide you. Your Father in heaven sees you (like I talked about in my previous post), and He cares for you. If you have been abused in the past, there is healing and hope in Christ Jesus. What has been done to you was wrong, and injust. Your father grieves with you and for you. He alone can heal your wounds, and restore your brokeness. Cry out to Him, and He will rescue you. Reach out for Him, and He will be strong to save. Reach out to others who love you (atleast one earthy person does, me….and I’m sure you have others too) and ask for help-you don’t have to go through this alone. Don’t let your abuser take more of you then they already have.

Fragile Wings Fly
I was only young,
I looked up to you,
You cut your knife into me,
watching me bleed…using me too.
Your goal was for your power,
Your mind to set on stealing me away.
You took more then you gave to me,
and robbed my innocence away.
Everytime I heard you,
I wanted just to hide.
Everytime I saw you,
I blamed myself inside.
Your anger always burned,
Your wrath destroyed,
Your tongues was always aflame,
And I’ve been burned, no one to blame.
I was like a child,
I hid away,
longing for the final day.
Finally you left me,
and I let go of you,
When I found someone to love,
more then when I had you.
He told me I was beautiful,
Lovely, and full of worth.
He saved my life and my soul,
and rescued me from earth.
Dying on a cross,
A sacrifice so grand.
through His loss,
I can stand.
I’ll admit that in my dreams,
sometimes I hear your voice,
I feel my fear begin to paralyze
and remember your remorse.
You say that you are sorry
but how can that possibly be
when you continue to hurt me.
what’s the line of grace
and line of abuse?
when I’ve been broken,
what’s the use?
I swear I won’t be like you,
but how can I know for sure?
It starts today
It ends tonight
my battle begins
with my strength I’ll fight.
I hate abuse
I hate injustice,
so let me end this rhyme,
and fight another time.
This time its different,
This time I’m for sure,
You don’t have ahold of me,
Because God’s got who I’ll be.

broken cars and broken lives

{ January 21, 2009 @ 11:52 am } · { Christianity, Family, church, death, friends, life }
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Having a broken down car makes me pray a whole lot more. “Dear God, just let me get home. Dear God, you know what, just to a parking lot would be okay. Dear God, just to the side of the road, JUST TO THE SIDE…!!”

Why is it that I realize how much I need God so much more when I find myself in trouble? When life begins to burn and smoke starts coming from things I am so quick to come to him and beg Him to do what he does and BE GOD. When life is good I move through life just driving by opportunities to take a step of faith and trust Him more. I get content to just have him ready in case something happens (which kind of makes me sick to think about).

If you know me you’ll know one thing about me: I like to be independent. Growing up I was never allowed to, so in every area that I can be independent today, I want to be. This effects who I am with Christ and my spiritual walk too. I can recall to you countless times where I am just like “God, I want to do this by myself.” So He lets me and I start happily away at my independence and I get one step into it and go “crap….I guess I do need You.” The truth is I am fully dependent on Him, I can’t even breathe without Him. As soon as I stop fighting against Him and let Him do His thing I stand back and go….”God, that’s just awesome.” Why? Because I let Him be God. I let Him help me. I let Him work through me instead of trying to do things by my own power. Why do I always have to be so difficult? Why do I fight so hard?  It all comes down to a matter of pride. I want to do things. I want to be my own person. I. I. I. I. It’s not about me. It’s all about Him. It’s time for me to realize that I can’t do it by myself.

On another note: Last night it happened again. I was laying in bed thinking about the events of the day (the insecurities and fears of a new president, how I want to go to the March for life on Thursday but can’t, how everything is changing, how I’m going away to college) when all of a sudden I was overcome with reality. It slapped me so hard I could barely breathe. You know that feeling that your heart is just 1,000 lbs heavy? Yeah, that happened. I realized: I’m living. I’m breathing. History has happened, people have come on this earth, lived, and then died, and now I’m living. It’s my turn. This life is real. I don’t get a second chance. When it’s over, it’s over. So what in the world am I doing with my time? Why am I here? Where am I going? It’s so easy to get caught up in the drama of this life and swept away by it. From homework to friendships to family to transferring-I’ve had a lot of my mind, but what matters more is why I’m here. I’m here to glorify God and to increase His fame. How am I doing this? As I am constantly asking myself and my friends “If I were to die tonight and stand before God what would I say for my life.” “I’m sorry?” I don’t think so. I don’t want to waste my life. Life is such a blessing and such a gift, why do I forget that. We only get one chance and who knows how long we’ll have. How am I living in a way that glorifies God?

Just some things to think on. God’s good.

I see in Scenes

{ December 2, 2008 @ 10:37 pm } · { church, friends, life }
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I’m a photo geek. I take pictures EVERYWHERE. I love pictures. I have them everywhere in my room-every avalible surface is covered in a giant collage of pictures. Why? becuase I don’t want to forget the moments I’ve shared with people. My memory isn’t the best, and it needs all the help it can get. Somedays I lay in bed and just look at my pictures in amazement as to how I’ve come to the point that I’m in now. When you can say that at one point you considered throwing it all away, and now you have joy, hope, and a purpose-it’s enough to break even me at times. What hope our God gives! Somdays I see pictures where my grin is the size of the USA, but I know that inside I was dying the second it was taken. Yet, through all the scenes of my life I see Him giving me strength. Even during the worst year of my life where I lost practically everything in one month, I now can stand and see that the faithfulness of God was shown more clearly through my suffering. Click. Glory. Click. Faithfulness. Click. Hope in Suffering.  It’s all there.

We only see time in fragments of pictures. God’s got the whole scrapbook, and I bet He’s flipping through it with a huge smile because He sees how it’ll all turn out in the end, if we trust Him.

I recently got Charlie Hall’s new CD called “The Bright Sadness.” In this CD he sings a lot about suffering, and God’s hand in it. One of the songs that has been constantly on my heart and in my mind is called “Scenes.” I’ll leave you with the lyrics, and his video. (Thanks YouTube)

 

“Chill and cold and flakes of snow, ice and sleet, and frost and cold, each storm cloud and thunderbolt, lifts my mind to You. Every work and every power, every second of every hour, fall of dew in sweet rain showers, lifts my mind to you. The summer wind, fire and heat, autumn leaves and blooms of spring, ocean waves and mountain streams, lifts my mind to you.

I see you in every scene, I bet you are thinking about me, I have such a short memory so you keep reminding me of you. I see you in every scene, I bet you are thinking about me, I have such a short memory, so you keep reminding me of you.

As I lay me down to sleep, as I walk on city streets, as I laugh with friends and feast, it lifts my mind to you, as my children play and run, in the news with wars and guns, in the church where songs are sung, it lifts my mind to you. Deep inside the beggar’s eyes, as for sweet love I fight, on the radio at night, it lifts my mind to you.

I see you in every scene, I bet you are thinking about me. I have such a short memory, so you keep reminding me of you. I see you in every scene, I bet you are thinking about me. I have such a short memory, so you keep reminding me of you.”

 

{ October 9, 2008 @ 9:59 pm } · { church, friends }
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The first day in Hawaii when the waves were calm

The first day in Hawaii when the waves were calm

There’s nothing equivalent to the feeling that you get when you are riding on top of a wave. There is nothing like knowing that you are standing on something beyond your control, something wild, something amazing. It’s a surge of energy that makes you feel more alive then you’ve ever felt before.

I’ve mentioned in previous posts how my Grandmother died the day I landed in Hawaii to work with my Youth Group. On the following Saturday, 6 days later, the church that we partnered with invited us to come to their surf ministry. So, we came. I had never surfed before, and honestly, I was anxious about trying it. I’ll confess, I am terrified of sharks. I HATE the idea of even being CLOSE to a shark. I took a lot of time to get used to the idea of surfing before paddling out. 1/2 way though, I became exhausted. I hadn’t even gotten to the person who was going to help instruct me and I was ready to quit, but the adrenaline kept me going. My instructor gave me a few words of advise, then pushed me off. I felt myself floating, then all of a sudden I realised this was it, I was being pushed by the wave, and I could stand now. I slid one foot on top and then the other, and it was amazing. All of a sudden I forgot the pain. All of a sudden I forgot everything in life-all I knew was that I was on top of a wave, and it was AWESOME! As I road the wave in, I got to thinking (perhaps I think too much). This was so much like my life.

I am terrified of many things. Wasting my life, not doing the will of God, messing things up for other people, hurting other people etc. There’s so much that keeps me from paddling out into the ocean-the waves are high, and it is risky. People have died in the ocean, I know that all too well, and all too closely. It’s not easy to take paddle out into something that has the potential to hurt you.

We all have fears in our life, if you don’t….talk to me and let me know how you don’t! You have them right now. A decision needs to be made, a change must happen, you are struggling with sin and know it has to end-whatever it may be, there are things that keep us from experiencing what God wants us to-Freedom. The freedom of riding over our waves. The freedom of standing on top of them, announcing that you have achieved victory over fear, and struggles. That’s what happens when we take that risk though. We may crash and burn, but in the end, we rise above and try again. Ultimately we learn to stand on our solid support, and ride the wave to the shore.

I encourage you to continue to paddle out into the waves surrounding you. Don’t give up. Though it may be hard, in the end, you will find you feet on the soft sand of the shore of the living God if you fully rely and depend on Him to help you make it through. He is strong, He is able, He is worth the risk.

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