Wanna be a rebel?
05 Jul 2010 1 Comment
in Christianity, death
Please, take the time to hear my heart in this. I’m so sick and tired of people trying to be “bad” and to be “rebels” by going crazy every weekend (and weekday), drinking, hooking up, causing trouble around town or just being dumb in general, wasting their lives away. Honestly, that’s what EVERYONE does. You are NOT a rebel if you do ANY of those things. Those things are EASY things to do- the path that is hard is the path that few take and that is the path of non-conformity. Jesus was a rebel because he lived above society. Yes, he participated in it, but he was held to a higher standard. He wasn’t like the other men. He chose to be different.
“If you really want to be a rebel read your Bible because no one is doing that. That’s rebellion that’s the only rebellion left.” Lacrea, Rebel).
You think it’s easy for kindness to be taken advantage of? You think it’s easy to turn the cheek when you really just want to pound the pulp out of someone? Do you think it’s easy to do the right thing when the world does the wrong thing? Perhaps I’m jaded. Perhaps I’ve just been pushed a lot lately. Although it’s not easy, I have to believe that it’s the right thing to do. The right thing to do is walk the path that few do, the path that I too often find myself failing at walking. Regardless, that doesn’t mean that I wasn’t intended to walk it. Instead, when we fail we have to find the strength in the sufferings of Christ to pick up our crosses again.
Why do we think carrying crosses will be easy? Why do we think sacrifice will take no pain?
Matthew 16: 24-25 says that “Jesus said to his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it.”
That’s a tough calling, just look at that first sentence “he must deny himself.” Denying self fights against everything within us. Our culture tells us that it’s all about ourself. It tells us we should seek our own good. It demands of us that we service ourself. We are ridiculed when we intentionally serve others. Just go on the metro sometime and see who gives their seat up for an old lady anymore. It disgusts me. We are the most self-serving generation yet. We’re going downhill fast. It’s never to late to turn around. Don’t waste your life. You are not promised tomorrow. Who are you living for? Whose cross are you carrying if you are not carrying Christ’s? Are you willing to be a real rebel?
Why God?
11 Feb 2009 1 Comment
in adoption, Christianity, church, death, Family, friends, life Tags: God, hard to understand, not fair, Pain, situations, sorrow, suffering
- A person who murdered a pregnant mother runs around free while somewhere in a prison only a few hours away lies a man in jail for a murder he did not commit.
- A husband leaves a woman who is living out her walk with Christ and is fully devoted and commited to Him. She compound fractures her arm-needing surgery. It leaves her unable to drive, unable to cook and unable to hold her children. She is in pain. Not only that but her husbands oldest daughter dies of cancer at the age of 18 all in 2 weeks-Oh, and did we mention she has 5 kids the oldest being in 5th grade and two children under the age of 3?
- A man who was in love with his teenage girlfriend gets locked up while another guy rapes a friend of mine and goes free. Different men come and buy sex slaves for one night stands and then walk away.
- Two years pouring our lives into an adoption that is stopped by a heartless judge and a family who broke the rules.
- Someone pulls a gun on someone elses son-crushing the families hopes and taking away what was a gift to them.
- An amazing, young student of mine suffers from a disease no one should have to face. A disease that causes great pain, and danger to their life.
- Physical and mental problems are one of the only constants in life.
There are countless stories of injustices that I have observed even just within this past month. Everyone has a story of a situation where they did not understand a horrendous sorrow that happened in someones life. If you don’t then you really are blessed! My heart is wrenched out of me and my breath taken away sometimes when I really stop and think about how unfair it is that some things happen to some people. So often does my heart cry out: “it’s so unfair God!”
Unfair? Who am I to say what is fair and just in the eyes of God? God breaks who he needs to break and mends who He needs to mend. His plan is so much bigger then I can see. As Christians we are not exempt from troubles-infact we are called to embrase them. Look at all the Christians in the Bible whom we hold and esteem as people to follow. Paul, Job, the disciples, JESUS….suffering doesn’t even come close to describe what they went through. Agony-sorrow-pain so beyond our imagination followed them. Things that should happen to no one happened to them. They followed God, they obeyed his commands. Why was their life embedded with the glass slivers of sorrow and blood drops of pain?
Who’s to say that God will not take our sorrows and show the world His glory though them. That’s what it’s all about, right? His glory for the nations.
Why is that so hard to understand when everything we have is ripped away? We lose sight of the fact that we serve a God who’s greater then our little frame of time and we forget that something we’re going through now might not make sense until after we leave earth.
Matthew 5:45b “He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.”
Deep, huh? I’m still chewing on it. The sorrows I face in life are worth it. The sufferings we experience are reminders that this is not our home. Does the suffering we experience make God any less worthy of our praise? Does sorrow make him less of a God? No…it makes us realise we need more of Him. We need him to exchange beauty for our ashes. to give us the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and to bestow on us a garment of praise instead of the spirit of despair…even more so when there’s suffering. Even more do we need Him when there’s things we don’t understand.
broken cars and broken lives
21 Jan 2009 2 Comments
in Christianity, church, death, Family, friends, life Tags: life, living, transferring
Having a broken down car makes me pray a whole lot more. “Dear God, just let me get home. Dear God, you know what, just to a parking lot would be okay. Dear God, just to the side of the road, JUST TO THE SIDE…!!”
Why is it that I realize how much I need God so much more when I find myself in trouble? When life begins to burn and smoke starts coming from things I am so quick to come to him and beg Him to do what he does and BE GOD. When life is good I move through life just driving by opportunities to take a step of faith and trust Him more. I get content to just have him ready in case something happens (which kind of makes me sick to think about).
If you know me you’ll know one thing about me: I like to be independent. Growing up I was never allowed to, so in every area that I can be independent today, I want to be. This effects who I am with Christ and my spiritual walk too. I can recall to you countless times where I am just like “God, I want to do this by myself.” So He lets me and I start happily away at my independence and I get one step into it and go “crap….I guess I do need You.” The truth is I am fully dependent on Him, I can’t even breathe without Him. As soon as I stop fighting against Him and let Him do His thing I stand back and go….”God, that’s just awesome.” Why? Because I let Him be God. I let Him help me. I let Him work through me instead of trying to do things by my own power. Why do I always have to be so difficult? Why do I fight so hard? It all comes down to a matter of pride. I want to do things. I want to be my own person. I. I. I. I. It’s not about me. It’s all about Him. It’s time for me to realize that I can’t do it by myself.
On another note: Last night it happened again. I was laying in bed thinking about the events of the day (the insecurities and fears of a new president, how I want to go to the March for life on Thursday but can’t, how everything is changing, how I’m going away to college) when all of a sudden I was overcome with reality. It slapped me so hard I could barely breathe. You know that feeling that your heart is just 1,000 lbs heavy? Yeah, that happened. I realized: I’m living. I’m breathing. History has happened, people have come on this earth, lived, and then died, and now I’m living. It’s my turn. This life is real. I don’t get a second chance. When it’s over, it’s over. So what in the world am I doing with my time? Why am I here? Where am I going? It’s so easy to get caught up in the drama of this life and swept away by it. From homework to friendships to family to transferring-I’ve had a lot of my mind, but what matters more is why I’m here. I’m here to glorify God and to increase His fame. How am I doing this? As I am constantly asking myself and my friends “If I were to die tonight and stand before God what would I say for my life.” “I’m sorry?” I don’t think so. I don’t want to waste my life. Life is such a blessing and such a gift, why do I forget that. We only get one chance and who knows how long we’ll have. How am I living in a way that glorifies God?
Just some things to think on. God’s good.
East Falls Church Metro Adventures!
04 Jun 2008 Leave a Comment
in church, death, Family, friends, life, Uncategorized Tags: bad days, death, dying, East Falls church, metro, ponderings, storm
Today it stormed. It stormed harder then it has in awhile. It felt like the heavens opened up. It wreaked havic on our area. There were a few tornadoes and everything. The metro system was a mess because one station had to close down. Because of that I got stuck at East Falls Church. It was a nightmare. They were bussing people from East Falls Church to West Falls Church, but I knew that I couldn’t go on the bus, because my Mom was just going to come and pick me up. People were nasty. They were yelling, and pushing other people out of the way. Then it happened. A group was sitting under the overpass when CRASH, the skies opened up and it started to rain. By this point I knew it waas hopeless to find a dry spot because the people in buisness suits were all pushing me out. I found the nearest tree (really great to stand under a tree during a storm, by the way!). I also found her. She was standing there as it started to drizzle, and as soon as the first thunder came, she started to wimper. I couldn’t believe it, a grown woman, maybe in her late 20′s, almost in tears. It got worse, the lightening came closer and closer. It hit SO CLOSE to where we were. It hurt every sense in your body. We ended up soaked to the bone. I was trying to distract her because she was obviously quite distraut. I found out she was from a place that the Youth Pastor I work with had been a missionary to. I asked her about the transition to America. I found out she was a student, we talked about college. I found out she worked at Starbucks. We talked about coffee. She didn’t have a phone, I knew it would cost me extra minutes, but I let her use mine. I was able to offer her my extra t-shirt, she turned it down, but atleast the offer was there. I felt like I was actually worth something standing there. I didn’t care if I got elecricuted, because I knew that God wanted me out in the rain. I’ll admit, I was freezing. The whole time God just filled my heart with incredible joy, until she left I was able to really keep upbeat. I do admit, by the end of the three hour journey, I was wiped out, cold, and pretty darn not happy-but God was just so faithful to me during the storm, it blew me away. I was able to be so calm, and chill. I was so confident that my life was held in the hands of the creator of the storm, it gave me such peace.
Once I got in the car, my Mom and I entered another storm. A REALLY BAD storm. There was just so much rain, we could not see. We just kept taking, and driving, and God brought me through the storm safely. When we reached home, we all breathed again, because it was really bad.
Then, I entered a different sort of storm, a more emotional one. As some of you know, my Grandma’s fighting for her life at INOVA Fair Oaks Hospital. It’s not looking so great. Tonight I went to visit her. As hard as it was to see her like that, I’m glad that I went. Everyonce and awhile she would respond. Maybe it’d just be a groan, but she was in there. At the end of the night I said “I love you Grandma” and she said “I love you too.” It was so cool, because I knew that was the way that God got ahold of me to let me know she’d be okay-no matter what the outcome.
I am home early today because Kaleo cafe (a small Youth Group function) was cancelled, we had no power at the church. I was really looking forward to it, but again, I felt a sort of peace about it.
All these times considered, some could say that my day really, really, really STUNK, but I am so glad that my daddy in heaven was able to open my eyes to glimpse a little of HIS perspective.
Virginia Tech-One Year Later
16 Apr 2008 Leave a Comment
in college, death, Poetry Tags: Christianity, massacre, shooting, suffering God, Virginia Tech
It’s April 16, and it seems like everyone has forgotten. I saw a few of us today. Orange and maroon t-shirts, some with hats, some with pants. We remembered. I listen to the news today. It’s all about the Popes visit. Who cares about the pope? Oh, I guess the 45,000 who came to Washington DC see him tomorrow. I’d like to ask a few questions of the Pope myself. Like since he’s so close to God and all……why did April 16 happen? Of course, I know the answer. We have free will, and we are a fallen nation-and it is NOTHING that God DID (we all know we deserve more suffering then we get), but since the Pope thinks he’s so close to God, I’d like to here his answer.
A year ago today one of the worst massacres in college History occurred. Why does it bother me so much? I cannot escape remembering. Every day of the week I pass by a small memorial to one of the victims. A flag, flowers, pictures, and stuffed animals are strewn on a fence. This is to remember Mary Read, who died in her Frech class. Mary was also a sister, a sister in Christ. I found in reading her bios this year that I relate to her a lot. She used to wear flip flops around all the time, just like me. She loved Jesus, just like me. She loved kids, just like me. She won a “best smile” award, just like me. She was 19 years old, just like me.
I remember when I head about the Tech shootings. I had just gone to school, but at that point, they only had reported 2 deaths. A few friends came in a few hours later and told us that their was around 20 reported deaths, and many injuries. I have several close friends at Tech, so to be honest, I was pretty scared. When I heard reports that all my friends were safe, I breathed again. Then, it hit me. A 33 other sets of parents wern’t breathing again.
We can place blame on anyone we want to. We can force cameras in the faces of Cho’s family and friends, pressuring them, calling them names, and it won’t help. I’m not even entirely sure Cho is 100% to blame. Blame isn’t the issue, the past cannot be changed, history cannot be rewritten.
In Cho’s manifesto he said that “thanks to you, I die like Jesus Christ, to inspire generations of the weak and defenseless people…. You had a hundred billion chances and ways to have avoided today but you decided to spill my blood. You forced me into a corner and gave me only one option. The decision was yours. Now you have blood on your hands that will never wash off.”
Chilling words from a haunted man. Virginia Tech is real, and so is the hurt and torture that Cho faced. So, the question lingers, what can we do to prevent this from happening again? We can’t. It probably will happen again, sadly.
What could have saved Cho? The love of Jesus in human flesh. Who has the potentialto do something like Him? We all do. The only reason we don’t is because of the grace of God. Why must we then remain silent? Sure, actions speak louder then words, but what are we doing to help others who are suffering in the same way that Cho was? Help for the hurting. Peace for the anxious, grace for the condemned, forgiveness….even for killers.
Mary Read wrote a quote in her journal before she was shot that summed this up.
“When a deep injury is done us, we will never recover until we forgive,”
That’s a lot easier to write, then live, granted. We need to be more like her.
I want to leave you with a poem I wrote last year. It was published in my school’s yearbook.
“Forgiveness-Virginia Tech”
Images flash upon my screen,
The faces, never again to be seen,
Robbed of life at such an early age,
It is easy for me to feel such rage.
I look at the picture of a man,
Hatred etched in his face,
You can’t erase,
the hurt in his eyes,
he faked a disguise.
What could have been done?
Away from it I cannot run.
How could he have been stopped?
To my knees I drop.
The stories resonate in my head,
Devastation, I feel the dread,
I look for hope in this time,
Knowing that I cannot rewind,
I find peace in God above,
And with Him, I forgive, with love.
The Reality of Judgment
14 Mar 2008 1 Comment
in church, death, Family, friends, life, videos Tags: Christianity, Jesus, Paul Washer, Revelation, sermon, sermon jam, teaching
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