Honesty is difficult for me.
Why is it so much easier for us to cover up the truth with glittering masks? We try to hide the stench of our sickness and sin by planting roses in the sewer. No matter how much we WANT it to help, no matter how many roses their may be, they are still in the sewer. Despite how shinning our masks may appear, or how many jewels and sparkles we have on them, we still remain broken behind them. There are times when I stand in the light, just wanting to rip off my mask, and throw it away.
Why don’t I? My mask is comfortable. It is normal. My mask is secure. So, like the author of the book You’re God is Too Safe said, I live in borderland. Although it may not be safe, it is what I know. No, I may not be okay. No, my past was not okay. Yes, I made choices I regret. Yes, I made mistakes. Yes, I am screwed up, broken, and a huge mess. No, I am not perfect, or put together…..honestly, that’s me-but hey look at my pretty mask and the smile I wear.
I just wait for the day of honesty. The day where I am able to set aside my bejeweled mask and let others see the mess inside. To let others grasp my mistakes from my past and learn from them, rather then hiding behind my mask to protect myself. To let others see my struggles, and learn through them.
We are not alone. We all have the same struggles, and the same pain, so why must we pretend it does not exist?
For me it’s hard because most of the things I struggle with occurred years ago. I can choose to not reveal it to someone, because I do not currently struggle with it. Revealing it, there really is no visible benefit to myself. The risk far outweighs the benefits. But what if it’s not about me?
I’m starting. I’m starting to become real, and it’s like a hatching chick. It starts slowly. It starts with my innermost shell, my father. The yoke around me, he remains my protection and my guide. It starts with being real with Him.
I “stumbled” on this song by my newest favorite singer, Steve Fee. It caught my eye, and made me think. This God WANTS to love me. This God WANTS me to be real with Him. That’s HUGE. I’ll leave you with the lyrics.
“Hello hello to the tears you cry
Hello hello to your darkest nights
Where do you go hide when there’s nowhere to go
Who do you confide in
Who do you know
Will you let me be the one to surround you
Will you let me be the one to hold you tonight
Be the one to love you for all time
Hello Hello to reality
Hello to the one that you never
Thought you would be
Where do you hide when there’s nowhere to go
Who do you confide in
Who do you know
Will you let me be the one to surround you
Will you let me be the one to hold you tonight
Be the one to love you for all time”
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